• Hillary

A Note to the Side Chicks of the World. . .

(And let me add that this goes to the side dudes as well, but as I'm a wife. . .I'm writing it like this).

You may have noticed that marriages are dropping like flies these days. And they aren't just dying on the vine. Mate poaching seems to be yet another pandemic.

And yes, there's lots to say to us husbands and wives about being proactive and protecting our marriages, but we said all of that last week.

So, for you women looking for love in all of the wrong places, or even if you're one who thought you'd more likely commit a murder before stealing a man and yet somehow found yourself in the arms of a man who walked the aisle with another woman. . .read up and stop. . . .STOP.

And here's why. . .

Because other people matter.

Yes I know, we've gotten terribly individualistic in this world but I think we are better than that. That man who's not really available. . .his wife matters. His children matter. You may think that "she" doesn't deserve him or that she must be deficient because he's looking at you after a few beers, or a long day at the office but even you know that's just a pathetic excuse. You know what is true? That ALL marriages struggle. That ALL husbands and wives go through crappy periods and times of not being on their A game. It's pretty hard to be at 100%, 100% of the time for 5, 10 or 20 years. And in that valley, that dark and hard time, to think that you would be standing there in the sidelines just waiting to exploit that weakness. It's just not ok, ever. Most side chicks don't have a plethora of girlfriends. If they did, they surely couldn't intentionally exact the kind of pain that is inflicted by sleeping with another woman's husband. Not to mention, shady shit like husband stealing isn't exactly what most women look for in friends.

Because stealing is still wrong.

I don't care how much you justify this relationship. . .or the way it started. . .or the fact that you think you're the ONE person in the world that has some ridiculous exception to the rule of being a decent and honest person. Stealing is still wrong. Need I say more?

Because YOU deserve better.

That's right. As a woman I want better for you than to be the cheap and easy that a weak and selfish man (trust me girl, if this is how he handles "hard times" ya best fasten your seat belt) runs to when the going gets tough or the drinks get stiff. You deserve better than to have anxiety over a relationship that will cost you friends and respect. You should be able to sleep at night not feeling guilty for the fact that FOREVER you will know that you destroyed a family. You deserve actual romance with a man who you can go in public with, not the pathetic and manipulative justifications being fed to you by someone else's husband who just wants to get laid. And you certainly deserve a better life than the karma that's surely coming your way after stealing that husband.

Because YOU deserve a better future.

Um, how far down the line have you thought this through? Once you win (not that stealing and winning are the same thing but whatevs) and land this man that you were willing to break all of the rules for, what's your "plan?"

Are y'all gonna just slide on into those bleachers together and start cheering at little Bobby's baseball game right next to the ex-wife and all of her life-long friends? Hope the ex is classy. Otherwise it could get a bit dicey for ya.

And how will it feel, knowing what every.single.person. is thinking about you? About your character? And when do those thoughts expire anyway? Maybe you think you'll get married and then live happily ever after? Girlfriend, buckle up because it's gonna be a bumpy ride mixing kids and paying for all that therapy that you and your "soulmate" caused by abandoning those little words we call vows. In a world where you absolutely cannot control what your children will encounter, the one thing you can control is the home they come from. And trust me, if you think the appeal of "two Christmases" is gonna distract your kids think again. It's kinda like communism, only appealing to those who don't really understand what it means.

Because it's not too late.

And finally, it's by the grace of God (along with wise counsel and intentional guardrails) I have not been involved in either side of this scenario. Yet I have very close friends, whom I dearly love, that have found themselves on both sides. They ALL regret being there. They ALL advise anyone who will listen to stop in their tracks and immediately change direction.

It's not too late.

I have a close friend who stopped her affair just short of having absolutely catastrophic effects on both her and the man's marriage. Guess what? Both marriages made it. They struggled but today they are very happily together. Their kids still have an intact family. If you haven't yet walked down the aisle, RUN DON'T WALK. Girl, you deserve better. It's not too late.

And a brief note to the straying hubbies. . .

When my youngest son was 4 he burst into tears after receiving one, $100 bill from his Uncle. He wanted "lots of monies" like the 100 pennies he'd gotten earlier from his 6 year old brother. It's funny because we all know the one $100 bill is worth infinitely much more than those 100 pennies. But to a child who doesn't know real value, 100 pennies looks like it will buy everything he's ever wanted. Read that one more time if you don't understand. Don't be my 4 year old. Be a man of integrity, strength and honor. God's grace covers ALL sins and we are all forgiven but earthly consequences vary greatly. This is not the legacy you want to leave.

The fact that you were tempted means you are alive, the fact that you made the wrong choice means you're fallen, the fact that you kept going means you lack self-control.

The strongest man in any room is the one with self-control.

Protect your city with some walls, man (Proverbs 25:28). When you're rocking on that porch someday, you want to watch those grandkids with someone who loves them equally. Someone who remembers bringing their parents home as babies. Someone with which that same sacred history is indelibly written on your heart. God doesn't force you to love the wife of your youth forever, He just promises your life will be SO MUCH BETTER if you do. But how much does He really know?

Lastly. . .

You don't have to look very far these days to see a constant barrage of truly heart breaking things taking place in the world.

I think we can do better.

I think we can raise our children to be better.

As women, WE have the ability to make this world a better place. We can choose not to kick another women when she's down. We can choose to be encouragers rather than competitors.

"If there ever comes a time when the women of the world come together purely and simply for the benefit of mankind, it will be a force such as the world has never known.”

-Matthew Arnold

And how amazing would it be if we, the women of the world, could lead the way. So, all of this nonsense with another woman's husband. . .just stop.

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